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Episode 8 : Darkness Before The Light
Listen to the episode below where we talk about the darkness before the light. The peaks and valleys. The low parts that sometimes trap us.
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Read The Episode
Hey everybody. It’s Candace Rusling from Monk & Mills and you are listening to Live an Unapologetically Bold Life. Today we are tackling the topic of what it really takes to get through that moment of darkness right before the light.
The break before the growth. Everybody always feels so alone in that moment and I bet a lot of people don’t even know how common it is to go down into a valley before you start climbing towards your next peak. So, grab a coffee. Grab you pen and a piece of paper and lets go.
So here’s what most people don’t quite understand about how to truly move forward in life and grow and achieve your goals and all the good things that we have the greatest intentions of doing. In order to grow, you must actually leave your comfort zone. Shock, horror, I know. But the problem is that comfort zones are comfortable. What lies outside of that region is scary. It’s terrifying. We’ve never been there before. Our mind doesn’t quite know what to expect and we can’t really figure out how to navigate or even plan for places that we’ve never been. The only thing you can do is plan to get really uncomfortable and be okay sitting inside of discomfort.
Once you feel like you’re ready to grow and you get to that precipice and you are right at the moment where you make the good choices and you take the next step to continue your growth, something awful always happens. That’s when fear sets in. You have to have a moment of fear. You have to have the darkness before the light. I like to put it this way in this analogy. It’s as though the mind needs to mourn the passing of your comfort. We have to be able to allow ourselves to feel all of the feelings in letting go of our previous stage in life and in doing that, we are going to second guess every choice we are about to make.
You’re going to think of all of the reasons why this is not going to work. You’re going to give yourself a hundred chances to back out. This is the darkness. This is the valley right before the peak. Everybody has those peaks and valleys. Everybody, the most successful business people in the entire world have peaks and valleys. The good thing is that once you start to recognize that all you need to do is mourn, you need to mourn your previous stage, then you’ll better understand how to move forward into the next step.
When you’re in those moments of darkness, when you’re looking around and you’re not entirely sure what your next step is going to be. You don’t know what it looks like, you don’t know how to plan for it, you don’t know which direction to even go. The only way out of the valley is to trust in the process, is to know that once you are ready, once you are ready to embrace the work, embrace the change that you will start climbing up.
Find the fire
All you have to do is find the grit, find the fire and the passion, and the desire to keep moving. You don’t need to know exactly what the next step looks like, you just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other. And eventually you won’t have to think about moving forward anymore. And over time, even though they will always be valleys among the peaks, those valleys will get more shallow and more narrow, so you won’t spend as much time down there.
The best piece of advice I can give is to make sure you have a process to get out of the valley. And normally that means having a group of people or at least someone that you can turn to and talk it out, someone who’s on the same path of discovery, of achievement, a go-getter, someone who’s working for bigger, bolder, better things in their lives, they don’t have to be doing the exact same thing you’re doing, but they need to be working on the same level. Those women of influence that we have talked about surrounding ourselves with. You need to talk it through with one of them, because I guarantee you think by talking. You can sort things out so much faster if you just say them out loud. And hopefully, hopefully, through the process of bettering ourselves and learning more and more about ourselves, over time you will start to see that when your desire to achieve is greater than your fear of moving, oh, girl, that’s when the darkness turns into the light.
Thank you so much for joining me today, and I hope you come back and subscribe so that you can join every Wednesday on our discussion of living a bigger, brighter, bolder life. You’ll find me everywhere on the internet at Monk & Mills, and of course, follow our hashtag, #unapologeticallybold.
I hope you can get out of whatever valley you seem to be stuck in and really start to look forward and think about the peaks. Remember girl, it’s just one foot in front of the next. Really give yourself time and grace, and allow yourself to mourn the passing of who you used to be, while looking forward and getting excited about who you’re turning into.
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