Do not feel guilty if you are feeling unfulfilled by staying home with your kids. Seriously. Stop it right now.
Being a mother (or father) is beautiful. Being able to stay home with your children is fabulous. It is not a calling. It is not a job. It is not your dharma.
Before the pitchforks start waving, hear me out. There are absolutely people in this world that want nothing more than to raise children. They live and breath child rearing. Their ambition is to shape their beautiful babies into intelligent adults. So… here’s my question…. on the small scale… what do you do when they are suddenly at school all day? Or even before that, what do you talk about with your girlfriends? You probably have a hobby, right? Something outside of caring for someone else that helps to define you as your own person? On the larger scale… the people who are passionately called to help mould the lives of our future generations are teachers, educators, coaches, daycare providers, volunteers, scout leaders etc.
You see what I’m getting at?
Wanting something that is just yours, that is not attached to the name of a teeny human, does not require mom guilt. Wanting more for yourself is actually a good thing. For you and for them. You may not want a whole career outside of the home. It could be something as simple as having some time for yourself to explore the world of adulting. A book club. A yoga class. But for those who want something big? This is for you…
You are worth it.
Your kids are worth it. It’s not even about providing for them financially, let’s take that out of the equation entirely, it’s about providing for their self esteem. Giving them someone to look to that has a dream and is actively working to accomplish it. It will teach them the value of hard work and determination. It will show them that you never have to stop dreaming and that it is never too late to start. It will empower them to do the same so that they can grow up knowing that where there is a will there is a way. And it will show them that you care enough about yourself to try.
Having dreams is not just for children.
Somewhere along the way we were led to believe that our destiny was out of our control and that dreams never amounted to anything. From my viewpoint, it’s the dreamers that make the waves. The people that believed in themselves so deeply that their dreams became realities that impacted all of our lives. We see the large scale dreamers each and everyday. There is a person behind every company that once said, I want to be somebody. They had parents that believed that with hard work comes success.
In this generation, where so many of us are in betweeners, not quite millennials and not quite… gen x? We are a product of broken spirits. The 80’s recession hit our parents hard, knocking the wind right out of their sails. They took jobs that they hated because they were jobs that they needed. We watched them clock in and clock out with zero passion for their 9 to 5. For the lucky few, hard work and sheer grit helped them climb the ladder. They made it happen because they had to. The dreamers were, for the most part, quashed and the workers took over. Long hours were the new norm and most everyone fell in line.
I don’t want to fall in line.
I want my daughters to see someone who loves their life. Who can enjoy my days of motherhood without questioning if I’m doing enough, being enough, inspiring enough. I want to chase my dreams while showing them how to chase theirs. They will grow up knowing that I took chances because I valued happiness and they will in turn learn to value their own happiness.
Mom guilt has no place in your dreams. You are worthy of greatness. If you ever have any doubt? Ask your kiddos if they believe in you.